Everything Broken

[Gen]

Neste… He was allways the one preaching about togetherness and how they were stronger together… But… the moment that he’d found out that Zil, Sam and Jay had gone to the past…

Phase again. Hurtling through Space. It was his aspect, just like Zil’s. Unlike her, though…

The… central part of the canopy… the…

They wouldn’t follow him here. They would be too busy, either being upset at one another or trying to do this other thing that they were trying to do or just standing apart from each other… He sat down on one of the mechanisms and closed his eyes, dipping himself into his own mind, to lose himself in meditation.

Sam…

No…

Go away…

Bushes… touch… feelings…

They don’t care about you. They never did, and you were only lying to yourself believing that they did. They don’t even care about each other. You all are broken up into so many different places. Your hearts are divided…

“Shut up! They do care!”

Sitting. Grass. Stones… Meditation… Calm… the mind…

Empty was the mind.

Calm, he could feel his breathing, and his heart.

They hate each other, Brian. They hate you as well. There is so much contempt for each other, we cannot blame Neste for the way that he feels, but you have to accept that you’re just an idiot. You constantly believe in them when they keep giving you reason to not! None of you are as connected as you want to believe. You know that I was right, BRIAN.

“My name isn’t Brian!! My name is Gen!”

Is it? Are you so certain?

He could feel pain, punches and kicks. Someone spat on him, but his eyes were too swollen to see what was going on.

You see? They beat each other. From that you derive the pain. You want to take on their pains? You want to take on their burdens. But its useless. No one human can take on such pain. That’s why you wanted to stand together. Because together you at least can. But they cannot stand together. You’ve seen it and still you believe in them??? You can hear them.

A voice broke his concentration…

Running more running. allways running. Away? To something?

Nowhere. Anywhere.

Metal… the canopy… opened fire… a dead monster… More running… collapsing…

“They don’t… They don’t care… They don’t…”

[Gen]

Dream Journal; dream 10

Damn him. Damn Harper for suggesting this. Damn me for listening to that son of an aurochs… This has been the worst decision ever.

Every day. I wake up and write down the same dream. It never changes, but I can’t tell them. So here it goes, again, future me…

I open my eyes. There’s darkness and pinpricks of light. Immediately my senses tell me that they’re too far away to get to, not within a million lifetimes of walking would I get to any of them.

Then there is fire and screams. Gurgling. Something drips and something else crashes.

One by one the stars go out.

Hatred. Shadow. Flame. Pain

The stars are all gone now. There’s nothing but darkness.

*Voices. *

“Pathetic” “Unworthy”

The voices taunt and jeer. They’re everyone that I know, everyone that I’ve ever known.

Yes. Even them.

They’re my father’s voice. My mother’s voice. My brother’s, all the people of the islands, Leif, Harper, Zilvai, Colvar, Neste, Ak, Ash…

They don’t stop.

There’s a shattering, like glass.

I know that’s not what they’d say about me. But the words are still there, like scars on my heart in the morning.

I keep asking myself over and over “Is this what I want? I had never wanted to come to this school. I never asked him for this. I never asked to meet these people.” But they’ve been so good to me and so much better for me. I’m at war with myself. Constantly and it won’t end. It’s never going to end.